#just frustrated rn i can't do much because sick there are things i could be working on in the vein of making my life better

[concoulor]

it's also partially im too sick to do anything so i'm spending a lot more time looking at the computer

[linawritestwst]

him taking care of you + you taking care of him (gn!reader)

(divider link)

characters: riddle rosehearts, ruggie bucchi, jamil viper, epel felmier, lilia vanrouge, silver, neige leblanche, rollo flamme.

genre: fluff, hurt/comfort

warnings: none

hi hi!! so, uh, yeah, i'm trying to write something for this blog again. i don't think i'll open my requests anytime soon tbh, i kinda want to focus on writing self-indulgent stuff rn.

so yeah, hope you enjoy these! <3 i've tried to make them as soft and cute as possible.

riddle rosehearts.

him taking care of you:

♡ riddle is a busy man, that's for sure, but that doesn't mean he doesn't care about you or that he doesn't have any time for you at all. he loves you and if he could, he would spend as much time with you as possible, but.. you know how responsible and strict he is. but again, it doesn't mean that he cares about the queen of hearts' rules more than you.. t-though it may seem like that sometimes.

♡ if he notices that you're not feeling well, like for example, maybe you're sick, he will worry about you a lot. maybe it's not that noticeable to you, but everyone else can see just how much riddle cares about you and wants you to get better. if riddle has a lot of work to do and he can't check up on you, he may ask trey for help, since he's his vice dorm leader, though he will feel terrible about it: riddle would much rather do all of that himself. he knows that maybe it'd be a more logical decision to send trey to take care of you while he tries to do everything as fast as he can so that he can visit you later, but for some reason.. no, it's obvious that riddle really wants to be there for you. 

♡ if you're not doing well mentally, even though riddle is not good at giving emotional support and understanding other people's feelings, he still wants to be there and support you. if there's something bothering you, he will listen and he will try his best to come up with the best way to solve your problem. he prefers to think about such things logically and if the voices in your head are being too loud and mean, maybe his voice can help you feel a bit lighter.

you taking care of him:

♡ riddle tries his best to work on his temper, he really does. but of course, he still can't control his anger sometimes. maybe it's because of someone breaking a rule again. maybe it's because of his mother hurting him with her words again. maybe it's because everything is just.. too much for him and he feels overwhelmed even though he'd rather deny it and say that he's fine, because what else could you possibly expect from a dorm leader? and when that happens, you are here to gently calm him down or let him express his frustration and anger, it really depends on what would be better for him at the moment.

♡ if it's the first one, you hold riddle in your arms and softly tell him to take deep breaths, in and out. you slowly pat his head as he does so and you can feel just how fast his heart is beating. his face starts feeling a bit less hot, he finally remembers where he is and what's going on and his anger goes away, even if it's just for a moment. and if it does come back, you still stay with him no matter what. you know that riddle doesn't want to hurt you and if he mentions feeling ashamed and being afraid of doing something bad to you in this state, you hold his hand and tell him that you trust him.  

♡ if it's the second one, you and riddle go to his room and you just let him do whatever he needs to let his feelings out. of course, there are some limits and exceptions and you make sure riddle doesn't accidentally hurt himself in the process or hurt anyone that dares to come in. when he finally feels a bit calmer and looks around while breathing heavily and trying to process everything, you ask him what he needs right now. does he want to be left alone? does he want you to hug him? you make sure riddle feels safe and doesn't worry about anything. if he broke something in the process.. well, he can probably just use magic to fix it, right?

ruggie bucchi.

him taking care of you:

♡ if you ever say that you feel like a burden to him, ruggie doesn't want to hear it. why? because he would always choose taking care of you over doing stuff for leona. he doesn't care about you not looking perfect today and he won't care about it tomorrow or any other day. when he hears about what you're going through, you blaming yourself for not having any energy to get out of bed or take care of your appearance, sounds so.. weird to him. how can you still say that you're the one in the wrong in this situation? he just sighs, shakes his head and ruffles your hair while saying that you should be grateful for him being here for you. he's not being serious, of course. 

♡ if you don't have any energy to do chores or you're sick, he's totally okay with doing them for you. if you say anything about feeling guilty or if he hears you trying to offer your help, he doesn't let you finish. he's doing it not because he's your servant or because he owes you something. he just loves you a lot and wants you to know that. and if making your day a little bit easier is what he can do to show his love for you, he's more than okay with doing exactly that.

♡ he can't say that he's good at giving advice or understanding other people's emotions or anything like that, but if you need to vent, go on, he'll listen. he will nod, he will act surprised, he will make funny (and not really) comments, because even if he doesn't know how to solve your problem and even if he doesn't know how to show that he cares, he wants you to know that at times like these, you can still ask him for help and support. you've saved him so many times before and you don't even know about it. let him do the same for you just as many times as you did.

you taking care of him:

♡ ruggie may act like he has a lot of requests and that he can never be satisfied, but actually, he doesn't need as much as he likes to say he does. you buying him some donuts or giving him headpats always does the trick. you still love spoiling him though and if he's tired, you're always okay with letting him lie on your lap and talk to you or just take a nap, if he wants. you like buying him gifts even if he doesn't ask for anything, you love to see his reactions too much. he always gets shocked at first, but then he gets so excited, you can't help but smile because of how cute he is.

♡ you always notice if something is wrong and if ruggie is not feeling so good, you're always there to ask what happened and help him in any way you can. honestly, you're so good at noticing him try to hide his feelings, it scares him actually. he wishes he was better at fooling you and making you believe that everything is alright, but.. of course, ruggie has his problems too. of course, his life is hard too. but you being there to listen or to just give him the tightest and warmest hug that you can give him is everything that he needs at moments like these.

♡ if ruggie needs to let his feelings out, you'll be there and support him. you'll listen to everything he has to say. if he tries to laugh it off or says that it's actually not that serious, you give him the look that lets him know that you won't let him run away so easily and he has no choice but to admit that he's been not doing great. even if it's just him being tired from running around and doing errands, you still listen to his every word and make sure ruggie knows that you care. because you know that even something as small as this can make ruggie's day or maybe his entire week.

jamil viper.

him taking care of you:

♡ jamil knows how hard it can be sometimes, so if you're having any problems, if you're going through something really bad, you can rely on him. no, you are not being annoying, that's kalim's job. you can just sit down and talk about everything that's been going on while he makes you some warm tea, but still listens to you and nods and tells you to continue. even if you cry, even if you show how angry you are, he'll listen. if you can't hold back your tears, he will hold you as you cry while telling you that it's okay. and no, he doesn't mean it in a "everything will be okay" kind of way. he can't make promises like that. but he means it in a "it's okay for you to cry and be honest with me and show your vulnerable side to me because i promise that i won't hurt you and i won't betray you" kind of way.

♡ and he really does mean it. sure, jamil is.. u-uh, not perfect. but when he says that he will never betray you, that he will never stab you in the back, that he will never use you, he means it. when it comes to doing those things to other people to protect you though- okay, okay, fine, he'll stop himself there. however, he still often feels like he has to hide some things from you because he doesn't want to worry you or make you feel sad. but he still expects you to always tell him if you need his help or if you've been struggling lately. yes, he knows it's selfish. please forgive him for that.

♡ jamil is very patient with you. you're not a burden to him. you're not a nuisance. if you think he's being too quiet while you vent to him, it's not because he doesn't care, but because he wants to let you express your feelings, because he knows how often you tend to bottle them up. your every word matters to him and he wants to hear about everything that's been bothering you. he'll try his best to come up with a solution and give you some kind of advice. if he can't do that, well.. maybe he can at least keep you company, if you're okay with that?

you taking care of him:

♡ you know that jamil can get so, so tired of everything. and you can't even blame him. you understand him so well. so you just want to be there for him when things get rough. when he feels like he can't control his feelings anymore, when he's tired of pretending like everything's fine, when he feels like nobody will ever notice or truly appreciate his efforts, you gently put your hand on his shoulder and remind him that you care. if no one else does, at least you care. and that's already enough for him, because you are the most precious person in this world to him.

♡ jamil doesn't even have to say anything. if he doesn't have the energy for that, you're completely fine with it. you can just sit next to him with your head on his shoulder and you both don't have to talk. this silence isn't scary, it isn't weird, it isn't uncomfortable. and if he wants to talk about his feelings, you'd love to hear it. he can talk about whatever he wants as you carefully unbraid his hair and nod and react to everything. he doesn't have to apologize for his ranting, it's just him expressing his feelings and why should he be sorry for that?

♡ if jamil is angry, you'll let him be angry. if jamil is sad, you'll let him be sad. he never has to pretend to be someone else when he's with you. he doesn't have to pretend that he's better than he is. and he doesn't have to pretend that he's worse. you still love him no matter what. simply because jamil is.. jamil. and you don't need him to be anyone else. if he doesn't want to do anything special or productive today, that's fine. if he kinda wants to show off and impress you, that's also fine. and even though, of course, you want jamil to be happy, it doesn't mean that you stop loving him when he shows a negative emotion. because that's still him. and you love him. 

epel felmier.

him taking care of you:

♡ oh? you don't feel so good?.. okay, who should he punch for making you feel bad? hm? it's not someone else's fault?.. o-okay then. epel is not exactly an expert when it comes to mental health problems, but if you just need him to be there and support you, he'll be more than happy to do just that. if you have the energy for it, you two can take a walk and just enjoy the sunlight, the warmth or the cool breeze, depending on the weather. you two can lie on the ground and just watch the clouds as epel points at some of them and tells you what they remind him of. you don't have to say anything, if you don't want to. but epel still hopes that you will let him know if he's doing a good job. 

♡ you know what, he doesn't care what vil has planned for today. you're not feeling good? it's your day now. epel will literally figh his dorm leader if he has to. he just wants to spend this day with you, trying to cheer you up and nothing and nobody will stand in his way.. at least he hopes so. he's okay with doing anything you want. you don't feel like leaving your room? that's fine, he'll bring some snacks and you two can just chill while he's hugging you. you don't feel loved enough? he'll shower your whole face in kisses and will hug you as tight as he can. you don't have the energy to do anything? that's fine, stuff like that happens. just tell him if you need anything. 

♡ i imagine epel to be a very physically affectionate type of person when it comes to people he loves, so be ready for many hugs, cuddles and kisses. he just has so much love for you inside and he has to express it somehow, otherwise he'll.. uh, explode or something, haha. but seriously, he wants you to feel as safe and comfortable with him as he does when he's with you. with you, epel feels like he can actually be himself, like you won't judge him and you don't have any high expectations for him. so please, let him repay everything that you've done for him. no matter how tired, sick, sad or angry you are, he still wants to be with you and tell you that those feelings are valid.

you taking care of him:

♡ epel doesn't really like admitting that he's not doing good. i mean.. isn't talking about your feelings kind of.. like, won't he look weak- okay, okay, stop pinching his cheeks, he understands, feelings and emotions have no gender, he gets it. fine, he'll be more open about it.. but only if you hug him, give him a kiss and tell him that everything will be alright! also, give him a lot of compliments. he really needs them. tell him that he's strong, tell him that he's the best boyfriend you could ever wish for, tell him just how happy he makes you. even if those compliments don't sound that special, they mean the world to him. 

♡ every single word you say means so much to him. even if it's just you telling him that he did a good job, when he's with others, he will blush and politely thank you, and when it's just you two, he will tease you about it and ask you to do it again, but you have no idea how many times he will repeat those words in his head during the day and before he goes to sleep. and if you hug him, hold his hand or kiss him, it will be even harder for him to stop thinking about it. 

♡ if he's suddenly being clingy or asking for affection for (seemingly) no reason, you can take it as a sign that something is wrong. also take it as a sign to give epel what he needs. kiss him on the forehead. hold his hands as tight as you can. give him the warmest hug that you ever gave him. even if he pretends that he actually doesn't like it or that you're being way too affectionate, don't stop. don't listen to him. give him even more attention actually. and of course, asking him what happened is good too. let him talk. let him rant about how annoying vil is, how tired he is of pomefiore or just whatever is going on in his life. he'll thank you later.

lilia vanrouge.

him taking care of you:

♡ OHHHHH HE WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU. HE WILL. THIS IS A THREAT BTW. this man sees that you're not doing great and he asks you "what's wrong honey :( no, no, don't scream, this is just me-" as he's hanging from the ceiling as usual. if he sees that you're sick or just really, really tired, that's it, you will spend the whole day in your bed with as many blankets as you want. you have no choice. you need some warm tea/coffee/milk/anything else? he will bring it to you, just tell him. oh, he can also cook for you, if you want- oh, you're not hungry. oh. oh okay.

♡ but lilia really does make sure you don't waste your energy on things that he can help you with. if you don't feel like you can stand up to get something, just ask him for help and he will bring it to you. you actually don't even have to tell him anything. somehow he just knows what you need even if you don't say a word. he will fix your pillow if you don't feel like it's comfortable, he will bring you another blanket if you still feel cold and if you're sick, he will bring you the medicine you need. if you're having trouble falling asleep, he's always happy to sing you a lullaby and calm you down with his voice.

♡ if you say anything about feeling like a burden to him, he will stop you before you say anything else. he wants you to know that being able to take care of you makes him so happy because he can show you just how much he loves you and he can give you all the love you gave to him. you just can't be a burden to him because he loves helping you and he loves being there for you. you're not too much. and you're not too little. it doesn't matter how weak you think you are, because lilia will give you all the strength you need to go through the day simply because he loves you.

you taking care of him:

♡ you know that lilia's memory is not that good because of him being older than he looks, so you make sure to leave lots of notes for him in case he forgets something. and he appreciates it greatly. he loves seeing those notes because it's your handwriting!! he doesn't care how messy or how imperfect it is. it's yours and that's enough to make him happy. they're always so cute too! you also like to tease lilia about having to help him walk somewhere while calling him a grandpa and he laughs and plays along. you two literally look like the "sure grandma let's get you to bed" meme when you do that.

♡ on a more serious note, you also remind lilia that he really is a good father to silver. he's doing a great job actually. silver loves him just as much as lilia loves him, if not more. and lilia is a good person. why? well, he just has to take a look around. he just has to look at malleus, silver and sebek. lilia is an extremely important person to them and for a good reason. he plays such a big role in the diasomnia family and it's hard to imagine what could've happened to these boys if he wasn't there to guide them and support them. and he's doing the same thing for you now. and you feel loved and cared for when he's around. you're sure those boys feel the same way.

♡ you have so much love inside your heart and you will give it all to lilia if he needs it. if he feels like he's not good enough, if he feels like he's not doing enough, if he feels like he hasn't changed for the better, you will be there to tell him that he is so much better than he thinks he is. he has saved so many people, including you. maybe he's just so used to doing stuff like that that he doesn't even notice it and doesn't think too much about it. but lilia has changed so many people's lives. and you're here to change his life too. hopefully, for the better.

silver.

him taking care of you:

♡ silver loves you so much and he wants you to know that. even if he's slow, even if he falls asleep at the worst possible timing, even if he gets tired easily, he still wants to be able to protect you and help you with anything you need help with. just tell him or explain it to him and he will nod and immediately try his best to do it. he would do anything for you and he means it. maybe he's not that good with words and he's a little quiet, but he really will try so hard to express his feelings properly. if you're sick, he will get you anything you might need. if you're tired, he will help you with doing anything you don't have the energy to do yourself. he just wants to help you, please, let him do so.

♡ if he sees you falling asleep while doing something, he will gently carry you in his arms to your bed or the nearest couch and he will cover you with a blanket, making sure you don't get cold. he will softly get your hair out of your face and make sure you're comfortable before smiling at you (and not even noticing it) and sitting down somewhere so that he can watch you (not in a creepy way though! he just wants to make sure you're safe!). a-ah, he can fall asleep too though.. b-but he'll try his best to stay awake! he won't let anything bad happen to you, he promises. 

♡ please don't think that silver sees you as someone weak and fragile because he's so worried about your safety. he just loves you a lot and.. and he doesn't want to lose you. you're so precious and so important to him and he doesn't know how to express it and what to do with his feelings because they're so new to him, so.. just tell him if he's being annoying or too overprotective, okay? he respects your boundaries and if you think he's overstepping, let him know, he would never want to hurt you. 

you taking care of him:

♡ you don't find silver's sleepiness to be annoying at all. if anything, you'd say that it's kinda cute, but you totally understand why silver would worry so much because of it. you just want him to know that you still love him and that you would never hate him for falling asleep while you talk to him or anything like that. if silver has trouble waking up in the morning, you can just come to his room and wake him up if he wants, haha. o-oh, he would actually love that? okay then, you will be the first thing he sees in the morning from now on.

♡ if silver is blaming himself for his sleepiness and calling himself lazy, you will stop him before he says more bad stuff about himself. you can't just let your boyfriend do that. you know how hardworking, brave, strong and responsible silver is, there are just some things that he can't control and that's okay, that's normal, he just has to accept it no matter how painful, scary and frustrating that might be. if he needs to talk about it, you'll be there to listen. he always was there for you to listen to you talk about the things you love, talk about your day or just rant about stuff, now it's your turn to do the same for him.

♡ you're just as patient with silver as he is patient with you. and you know that even if he's a knight in training, he also needs and deserves to be protected. if you see anyone (subtly or not so) making fun of silver, you won't hesitate to call them out or even try to fight them. you also don't let people take advantage of him taking things a bit too literally and kind of living in his own world and being a more quiet and introverted person. this man is a knight, but he's still soft and gentle and deserves to be taken care of.

neige leblanche.

him taking care of you:

♡ this boy will do anything to make you happy!! he might have a busy schedule and he might have lots and lots of fans following him around everywhere, but you're still so, so important to him! just tell him what you need, okay? if you feel like you need more physical affection, he will give you as many hugs and kisses as you want. if you feel like you need some distraction from your problems, you two can go on a nice date to any place you want. or you can just leave the choice to neige if you don't know where you want to go! though he will still talk to you about it first, because even though making it a surprise sounds nice in theory, he still wants to make sure you're okay with it. and if you just need to spend some time with your boyfriend in silence, he will be more than happy to just sit with you while hugging you and not even saying anything. just being here with you is enough.

♡ if you're too tired and/or sleepy, he will get you the softest and warmest blanket and if you want, he can sing you something to help you fall asleep, again, just tell him. oh, he can also bring you a stuffed animal, if you want! if you want to cuddle, he's all for it too. he just wants you to feel safe and comfortable enough to fall asleep without any worries. even if you still have something to do, even if there's still too many dark thoughts in your head, neige just hopes he can help you forget about it at least for a moment. you getting rest is more important right now.

♡ neige would never let you think that his job is more important to him or that he loves his fans more than you. it's true, he really does love his fans no matter what and he's passionate about acting and modelling, but you are still that person that he cares about the most. there are so many things and people in this life that he loves, but to be honest, he'd probably be okay with losing some of them, but you are definitely not one of them. so let him express his love for you, okay? you deserve it. no matter how much you think you're not enough for neige, you deserve it.

you taking care of him:

♡ neige gives you so much love and affection, sometimes you feel like you don't give him enough of it back. so when you and neige can finally spend some time together, you give him as many hugs and kisses as you can and it's hard for you to let him go even for a moment. you just missed him so much.. the way you spend time together depends on how high neige's energy level is at the moment and yours as well. if it's been a long day of filming and no matter how much neige tries to hide it, his smile looks a little bit tired, you two can just spend the evening lying on the couch and talking about whatever comes to mind. and if both of you feel like it, you can try to bake something together or just dance together in your bedroom. 

♡ even if neige looks fine, you can still tell if something is bothering him and you encourage him to be more honest about it. he doesn't have to pretend that everything is fine, he doesn't have to smile all the time, at least he can be honest with you. you agree that neige is insanely talented and that he deserves all his popularity, but you love him not only for that, you love him for what kind of person he is. and he doesn't have to continue acting when it's just you two. so even if it's something small and not that serious, he can tell you. you two can just laugh about it later or actually try to solve that problem together. 

♡ if you find out that some fans of his have been acting weird in some way, like maybe they've been asking him if he has a s/o way too many times or even if they've been stalking him, you won't hesitate to do something about it. you will try to go and meet them in person, if you have to. you try not to let neige know about it because you don't want him to worry and because you know that he can be a little bit.. he forgives his fans too easily. you think him loving them so much is admirable, but also, you just really want him to be safe. you want to protect him. you know that some fans just.. don't know what privacy and personal space is. 

rollo flamme.

him taking care of you: 

♡ even if rollo may seem like a cold and emotionless person to some people, you know very well that it's not true at all and that he cares so much. if he sees that you're even a little bit tired, he will gently (but firmly) ask you to take a break. if you want, he can help you with whatever you're working on once he's free. as a student council president, he knows what it's like to have a lot of things to do and feel like you have to finish all of it as soon as you can, but it doesn't mean that he will let you overwork yourself. and if you're the opposite and you tend to procrastinate very often or you can be very forgetful, rollo will remind you that you have things to do and will try to motivate you to do them. most of the time it's just him saying that those things are important and you will most likely regret not doing them earlier- n-no, y/n, a kiss is not a proper way to motivate someone.

♡ rollo is not really good with words, it's true that he is good at things like public speaking and stuff like that or manipulating people into thinking that he's a totally normal person who is not planning to steal their magic but it's fine it's whatever, but when it comes to having actual genuine conversations, he is.. not sure what to do. however, if he notices that you're not doing good mentally, you can always tell him what's on your mind. he won't insist on it though and he thinks you should tell him about it only if you're comfortable with it. but if you do, you can trust him, he will listen to you very carefully and will never interrupt. 

♡ rollo isn't really the type to give you emotional support, but i also can't say that he's the member of the "would rather give you an advice/suggest ways to solve your problem" gang. he's more subtle about it. you know what? he'd rather solve your problem himself. or at least try to make it feel easier and not as overwhelming and tiring. you feel like your schedule is a mess and you don't have time to do anything? he will come up with different ways for you to organize everything and when you wake up, you will already have multiple different new schedules for you to choose from lying on your desk. wait, does that mean he has talked to the people who gave you so much work and- actually, maybe you shouldn't ask him that. someone has been too mean to you? well guess what, they'll be nothing but nice and polite to you now. oh, and if any magic user even tries to- okay. okay, sorry, y/n. sorry. 

you taking care of him:

♡ you honestly have no idea how rollo manages to do the student council work and take care of the belltower and its gargoyles and still pretend that everything is fine. no matter how much he tries to hide the fact that he's tired or claims that he's okay with it, you still ask him to take a break. and if he still insists that he has things to do.. man, and you were really hoping to take a nap with him while holding him and telling him that he's done well- oh? oh, he actually has some free time now? huh. interesting. well, what did you expect, this man is so touch-starved, it's insane. and it's also kinda cute to watch him try and pretend that he's not.

♡ you actually try to help rollo be more honest with his emotions. like, he has to be better than the overblot gang. and also.. it's probably for the best that we don't have another masquerade incident. so if you see that rollo is even a little bit annoyed, you still ask him what's wrong and even if he tries to cover his face expression with his handkerchief and says that it's nothing, you don't leave him alone until he confesses. and this isn't just about the negative emotions, if you see him try to hide his smile or his face that is becoming more red, you softly tell him to stop and look at you. you won't make fun of him and you won't think he's weird for expressing his emotions. you would love to see that side of him more often actually. 

♡ if rollo actually wants to talk to you about something that has been bothering him even without you noticing anything or asking him about it, you'd be so proud of him for opening up to you and you will try your best to listen to him and you will be as patient with him as possible. you know that he has a lot of problems and that his past was really sad and traumatic and even though you can't do anything to change his past, at least you can try to make the present better. if he wants to talk to you about his brother, if he wants to talk about his relationship with magic, if he wants to talk about anything, you'll be there, waiting for him. you won't leave him. you promise. 

[deathofacupid]

we've still not come to a decision | peter parker

this post is a part of a series called "but you're the one i want"! click here to read parts one, two, three and four!

ask to be added to the taglist, and check out my full masterlist here...

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summary: summary: you've fallen in love with peter, and the worst part? you can't. not when you know you must be with someone else.

warning: cursing, talk of character death, minor angst, this is mostly a filler chapter (lemme know if i missed any)

sorry for any typos!

pairing: peter parker x fem!reader (this is in 3rd person!)

word count: 2.5k+ words

y/n

y/n laid in her bed, right next to her was a tub of ice cream. well, half a tub of ice cream. mint chocolate was always the answer.

almost always the answer. just not today. not right now. she'd kissed peter. kind of. ish. did that even count as a kiss? a peck, maybe? it had been two days since she had seen peter, given it was monday. also because she was dead terrified of seeing him.

she had come to a conclusion.

she liked peter benjamin parker. loved?

no, no, no.

yes.

yes.

yes.

she was in so deep. so fast.

y/n rolled over on her stomach, letting out a groan of frustration, seeing that the ice cream was half melted.

and maybe, just maybe, because she didn't want to like him. peter was awesome, don't get her wrong. but she didn't want to mess up their relationship. y/n wasn't even sure if she was ready for something serious.

to be honest, she'd never been in something serious before. she had flings all the time. hookups were just hookups. well, she had stopped with that recently to focus on her job.

but... there was this one guy. her dad's best friend's son. y/n's father hadn't ever told her to do much. he was strict about grades, but that was all. he had let her do whatever she wanted, as long as she was on the right path.

whatever hobbies. whatever college. whatever job.

only one thing. only one thing he was rather adamant about. her father's dying wish. the first time he had told y/n, she had instantly refused, telling him she would do anything else. just not this. once he had gotten severely sick, it was clear that this was all he wanted. so, she finally agreed.

agreed to having an arranged marriage with spencer barcon.

they were childhood friends, and she doubted she would be able to see him as anything else. besides, peter probably didn't want to date someone who already had a finalized marriage.

more than anything, she didn't want to marry spencer. but how could she refuse her father?

she already knew that he liked her like that. in fact, she was almost positive that he had asked his father to ask her father to get married. and her father agreed. because spencer was rich. and he could "support" her.

y/n frowned. she could very much so support herself. she didn't need financial help. she knew what would happen if she got married to him. y/n would become a some housewife, stuck at home.

y/n would have to quit her job and she didn't want that. that wasn't freedom.

she was stuck. completely, utterly, stuck. and there wasn't a way out of this mess that her heart tangled itself in.

her phone buzzed and she flinched before picking it up to read the text.

please don't be peter. please don't be peter. please don't be peter.

it wasn't peter!

those bitches 🙄

cindy mindy moon i've literally been meaning to ask you all week

cindy mindy moon who tf is that boy and don't you dare say no one

cindy mindy moon i saw the way you were eye fcking him don't even with me rn

priyacorn boys?? there are boys now??

priyacorn and eye fcking?? no one told be about these events i demand answers right now

dumbassoncrack omg i'm not doing this

cindy mindy moon yes you are

priyacorn moon yes you are

dumbassoncrack there's nothing to say

dumbassoncrack ok maybe there is

dumbassoncrack but it doesn't matter anyways remember

dumbassoncrack if you've forgotten, there's this guy named spencer who i have to marry so

priyacorn ooh drama i like it

priyacorn wait who is it

cindy mindy moon it's this guy named peter who she's always shamelessly flirting with i mean u should've seen her

clairebear it doesn't matter u can still date him just don't tell abt spencer

cindy mindy moon that sounds badass but not in this context

cindy mindy moon don't do that y/n/n

priyacorn fr if u date him u gotta tell him

clairebear why's it matter

clairebear u play boys all the time this isn't any different

dumbassoncrack used to

clairebear but he's like dead so it doesn't matter

dumbassoncrack so is your mom but i see you following her footsteps

that’s what she wanted to say. but she said this instead;

dumbassoncrack claire, he’s my dad. and i made a promise.

claire bear so?

priyacorn stop claire

cindy mindy it was her dads dying wish she can't just forget abt that

clairebear idk what u want me to say then

cindy mindy meet me in the cafe in 15 we'll talk in person

priyacorn yea good chance to get the deets

dumbassoncrack ew did you just say deets

priyacorn yes I did and shamelessly so

priyacorn see u lovelies

dumbassoncrack fine read at 1:36pm

y/n sighed and turn off her phone with a click. she knew she was in a tough situation, but what was there to do? it's not like she had much of a choice. maybe her friends could give her some insight. plus, it was a nice excuse to meet up, she'd been so busy lately, and hadn't gotten much free time. well, she had some, but she was busy moping around during that time.

and spending it with peter.

she dragged herself out of bed, throwing the lid on the tub of ice cream. she trudged out to the kitchen and tossed the tub in the freezer. with a huff, she entered the bathroom, putting her hair up into a messy bun. 

she washed her face and brushed her teeth, before venturing into the closet to find something to wear. of course she wanted to look nice, but she didn't really feel like putting that effort in. she settled on a sage green pullover and black jeans, adding a couple bracelets.

y/n did some winged eyeliner, mascara, and concealer before giving up on trying anything else. it didn't really matter, it was just her friends.

she swung a purse over her shoulder and slipped on some black doc martins. stretching once again, she left the apartment, locking the door behind her.

the walk there was only 10 minutes, so there wasn't any point in getting a cab. plus, with all the traffic, the car ride would probably extend the time.

stupid feelings. stupid spencer. stupid peter.

i've fallen in love with someone i can't.

but what if...? what if claire was right? maybe she could date peter, and then break up with him before she got married. that didn't seem like such a bad idea. but then she would have to come up with a good excuse, and she didn't think that there were any good excuses for something like that. 

the entire walk she had been distracted. distracted with thoughts about peter. but she somehow managed to only get almost run over twice, and to her that was an accomplishment.

when she finally got there, her friends were sitting inside at a table, chatting their butts off. well, all of them except claire. she was awkwardly playing with her straw wrapper, as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. she mumbled a greeting and plopped down on an empty chair.

"i'm glad you took your time," cindy frowned, but there was a happy gleam in her eyes.

y/n shrugged.

priya smiled, "hey, y/n/n, we got your drink for you!"

"thanks."

"okay, now spill." pri demanded, and cindy nodded along.

"all the deets,” she added, making y/n roll her eyes lovingly.

claire paid literally no mind, scrolling through her phone.

"wait, wait! do you have a picture?" the indian squealed.

"i think so. i'm pretty we took a couple selfies," she remembered, pulling out her phone. the two girls squealed, and y/n rolled her eyes.

"hey, i gotta go. i'll see you."

"already?"

"but claire, you only just got here."

y/n didn't even bother, she wasn't even sure why the girls were surprised, she did this half the time anyways. she found a good picture and showed it to priya and cindy. claire glanced at it, pulling her jacket on.

claire had a certain look on her face.

"what's wrong?" she asked.

"i know him. he went to midtown with me. peter, right? yeah, peter parker. i think we had math together. i can't believe you like him."

"why?"

"...he's a freaking nerd. your standards have to be higher than that."

"maybe he's just my type. i dunno."

"your type? and what's that supposed to be? losers? honestly, just marry spencer. he's so much better. maybe he can keep your life together. that's probably why your dad set you up for him anyways."

y/n pushed her chair back, and got up quickly, slamming her drink down. "i'm sorry, keep my life together? i don't need someone to make those decisions for me. especially not you."

"guys? people are watching!" priya exclaimed, trying to get their attention.

"just some advice. you literally have a fucking millionaire in front of you."

"um- maybe-" cindy started, trying to calm them both down.

"are you serious? you want me to take advice from you? hilarious. get your love life together first. richard's going behind your back fucking a different girl everyday, and you're too desperate to even realize it, obviously you get the delusional genes from your mom."

all three girls shut up, surprised at what she had said. she'd always dealt with claire's backlash against her, even when she went too far, making remarks on her body, insecurities, and whatnot. no one was quite sure how to take it.

one of the waitresses walked up to them, "i'm gonna have to ask you to leave, you guys are being very loud."

"fucking fine by me," claire scoffed, visibly trying to push tears back.

"claire, i..." y/n started. wait, why was she apologizing? she had only stood up for herself. kind of. maybe she could have been less harsh. she shouldn't have brought up her mom. she watched as claire stormed out, but for the first time, no one went after her. the young l/n girl simply stood there in shock.

all through middle school they had been a group. and visibly, claire was always the leader. she might not have had her way with her looks, but her bold personality and confidence lead her to be popular. cindy was the quiet one, and priya had always been bubbly and bright. she was just... y/n. there wasn't anything special about her.

all three of them, bound so tight as best friends, maybe even as sisters because they could act the part. until the last two years of high school. claire had met this new boy named richard, and she was head over heels for him. she couldn't see that he was bad news. not in the way y/n was.

he only kept claire around for his disgusting fantasies, and the worst part? she was in denial. everyday her friends would tell her to stay away from him, and everyday she would yell at them, saying the two were in love. at one point, they just gave up. richard had changed her, in ways she couldn't have ever expected.

priya shook she lightly, snapping her back into reality. she hadn't even noticed the hot tears that were streaming down her face. she swiped them away, looking up to see the waitress glaring at the expectantly. she murmured a sorry and grabbed her empty cup, tossing it out, and walking away from the cafe.

"y/n! wait up!" priya yelled, running after her. it took cindy a moment, but she followed after.

y/n stopped by a lake, not quite yet frozen over. she sat down there, pulling her knees to her chest.

priya dropped down next to her, bringing her in for a hug. cindy did the same.

"she's never gonna talk to me ever again."

"hey, hey, you don't know that. maybe she needs time to cool down. but i'm proud of you, standing up for yourself like that. i know there were better ways to handle that, but i know she hasn't been treating you how you deserve," priya smiled.

"now that she's gone, we have some peace. wanna tell her about what i saw in the cafe?" cindy wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

she laughed, rolling her eyes playfully. cindy's phone rang, and she checked her smartwatch to see who it was. y/n got a glimpse of it and frowned a bit.

"you should take that."

"no, i'm here right now for you. you're more important."

"it's okay, moon. take it."

"you sure?"

"yes!"

cindy got up and took it. the two girls listened in on the one side that could hear.

"yes? ...what? ...i'm in the middle of-... oh god, of course he did. fine, fine! i'll be there- no, yes... no? we can talk about friday night later, mj. no... i'm not busy. d-da-... yes! of course! can't wait!" she ended the call and and back over.

"oh my god! date? with michelle? you go, girl!" y/n cheered hyping her friend.

cindy blushed and nodded. "yeah, but we deal with my love life after yours. okay? josh set the coffee machine on fire somehow, and now i have to go over and deal with it. but, but! i won't go unless you let me. you guys are much more important to me."

"go, cind, it's fine. really."

"you sure?"

"yes! go, love, jeez!”

she smiled and ran off, desperately waving down a cab and hopping in it. she smiled at her and faced priya. she had to admit, out of them all, she was the closest to priya, and she was glad that pri was there for her. 

"tell me about peter. what's he like?" she inquired, in a sweet in loving voice. it felt warm, and it reminded her of her dad. 

"he's really sweet. and funny. he works with me at the daily bugle. he's the head photographer which is awesome. i like working with him, it makes my job more exciting and fun. i never get bored with him. he's always trying to make me laugh or smile. remember the clock tower incident? about two or three years ago, i think. i'm not sure."

"yeah, i do. poor girl."

"that was peter's girlfriend." she spoke quietly, as those words held a gravity of sadness. 

"really? i feel so bad. that must have been a lot."

"i know. it's hard, things like that. his uncle ben died, too. but i'm not sure how, i didn't want to pry or anything, you know?"

"you guys are really similar. i wish you didn't have to marry spencer."

"me too."

"cause i would have totally taken him," y/n turned to priya, giving her a look.

"what about luke? have you told him yet?"

"no! are you crazy?"

"you should tell him, before it's too late."

"but what if i mess everything up? i'd rather stay friends then take that risk." 

"some things are worth risking, you know that. this is one of them, he deserves to know, and you deserve to tell him. and if he says no, he's a pretentious douchebag."

"i dunno. maybe, enough about me. are you sure you're marrying spencer?

she sighed, "it's a guilt thing. i kinda have to."

"it's completely your choice. i know it's a hard decision."

"yeah, it's okay though. i have time."

"okay."

she had time. 

taglist @whatsupstark @ell0ra-br3kk3r @idli-dosa @susvale @kdbsr-h @littlemsbumblebee

[prettyboykatsuki]

"we can play husband and wife like you wanna do with sae so bad, yeah? i think it'll be fun," WHSJEJSINEIFJDJFJJSUFJJE FANG GE TBACK HERE RN⁉️‼️‼️⁉️

HEFDJHKJSDF

LOOK.

you know, intially shidou is fucking you because he has some weird vendetta about your crush on sae. it's a complicated affair because shidou and sae have a complicated relationship in the first place. it's difficult and messy and shidou thinks those fucking doe eyes you give sae are fun to ruin by making you cry. at first it's some weird sense of posession. towards who? towards what? no idea. shidou hates stupid complicated things, but he likes fucking you and sae doesn't mind.

when he notices that his oh-so stone cold lover / housemate / whatever is taking his own kind of interest in you - it occurs to shidou he can have both. he can have fun. it's exhilarating. he makes sure to fuck you extra loud when sae is home. makes sure your voice creeps through the walls as he exposes your little crush with a sense of satisfaction he feels in his gut. he knows it'll frustrate sae, maybe even enough to do something about and shidou can have fun with that.

shidou thinks it'd be sexy to see what you and sae get up too. he'll peep on it when it happens. he wants to know what sae is like when he's around something so delicate. it's different when it's shidou - because shidou can handle anything that gets thrown at him.

but what about you? how fucking enthralling to watch sae try and deal with you. maybe he'll bring you back to shidou because sae wants to see you all messed up. he's a sick fuck like that. they could keep you all to themselves. that's what shidou wants, his ego is to do whatever he feels like and that just feels the most right.

he could just say it but that's no fun for him. it's so much more interesting to make you moan his name while sae listens begrudgingly through the wall. it's like a fun game he gets to play all while watching you fall apart.

shidou can't wait to bully you about it till you can't take it anymore. he wonders what you'll do then. you'll look cute, he's sure.

[furiousgoldfish]

I’ve managed to move out (staying with my extended family rn) and even though I made it out of that environment, I still have so much wrong with me. Anxiety, depression, ocd, ed’s. Anxiety being my worst issue. Just started college online this month and I still feel like I’m far from functioning normally again. I don’t want to use what I went through as an excuse though. It’s been about a year and I just want to be normal and socialize and not obsess over problems that aren’t even there. The idea of relying on anyone scares me and I’m trying to be as independent as when I was younger but how can I do that when everything sends me into a spiral. I quit my first job four days in even though everything was perfect. I couldn’t eat or sleep or think straight. Still have to retake my permit test. It’s been the definition of crippling but I know I could do better. And I’m trying. How can I just move on? I’m so sick of trauma being my entire identity. Does therapy really work? But I’m scared of taking meds because of my ed. I’m beyond lost.

P.s. Your blog has been incredibly helpful throughout all of this. One of the only times I’ve felt understood. Thank you <3

Unfortunately, it's the worst of trauma that we deal with after moving away. It's not an excuse, and you can't force yourself to be okay after just one year. What is happening with you is a proof that you've been put thru severe trauma and that it's not something you can quickly heal. I understand it's endlessly frustrating, devastating, and feels hopeless that you can't act normal, can't be completely independent and you feel awful relying on others - that does feel horrible.

I believe that what you need is more time, and more support. Even if right now you can't handle having a job, it doesn't mean it will be this way forever. Even if right now everything feels wrong, it won't stay that way forever. Recovery happens slowly and you have to accept it's own terms, and not push yourself so hard it brings you hopelessness when it doesn't work out. I think you need a space where you only do things you feel comfortable and safe doing, and then when you're able to relax, you can expand that space so that more things are comfortable and safe. When you're coming from that kind of space, you can gain stability and feel more confident, and also make a better risk assessment in what is currently okay for you to try, without falling into despair if it doesn't work out.

Also people quit jobs, mess up tests, have to retake permits, struggle with taking meds, even without severe trauma, and it's fairly common. You're only feeling such strong guilt and shame over it because the trauma amplifies your every negative experience into a disaster. It doesn't mean you're a failure, and it doesn't mean it will always be this way. Don't lose hope, give yourself more time and patience, with time you will manage to do everything right.

Also, give yourself lots of credit for escaping abusive environment! That is a big step that a lot of people struggle for a long time to take, and it's something you did, that is pretty incredible! You already are doing everything right, you're only human, and you can do only as much as a human being in your situation can. You're doing the best you can.

[galaxitix]

Just a vent feel free to ignore(⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

Okay whoever said new year, new me is a fudging lair. It's a new year and I'm still suffering from my social anxiety.

Just who's laying in bed, hungry because they were too much of a coward to walk into a crowded kitchen(crowded due to small size, only two people were in it) and get food while my grandparents have their peoples over celebrating New Year's at my grandparents' place.

I left my room like 3 times because I was hungry and I walked back with nothing. It's not that the people who are here are mean or anything, they're all kind. I just got heavy anxiety around them despite the fact this isn't my first time around any of them. (Heck I got anxious around my own family members who I partially grew up with)

On top of that they had the grill going on in the backyard (kitchen leads out to the backyard) and whatever they used to light that grill sicks my stomach to the point I wanna throw up, might have thrown up if i stayed later)

I tried a different approach by going to my grandfather instead but he was in the living room with the rest of the guests who weren't in the kitchen or around the grill and my nerves nearly suffocate me, I ended up just greeting everyone and making small talk(read attempted to make small talk) and then went back to room and stayed there.

So I'm stayed in my room until the guests have left and I think 'ok maybe now I can get food'...ha nope, there was nothing left so I thought okay at least what should have been left aside for my mother was here but guess what?

There's nothing and I thought maybe I was just blind so I asked my grandfather cause he was still out and he just asked me 'what' and he thought I did...

I love my grandpa I really do but he knows full and well, I can't stand the scent of the grill cause of whatever they used to fuel the fire and my room is fully in range where he can tell I hardly left. what do you mean you thought I did it?

Now I'm on the verge of a meltdown/panic attack, I'm hungry and I feel a mess of emotions I can't even decide or identify right now.

Another thing about this whole situation that ticks me off is it doesn't matter if I'm the host or not cause in the end I get nothing out of it. Normally I manage the grill and to think after all the work, i could reap what I sow but nope by the time I'm done grilling everything, the food is already gone so I can't even taste or enjoy what I stand over a grill cooking for the past hour or 2. So yeah, I lost my passion for grilling becus what's the point if I get nothing out of it. (And this happen 4 times, must be a sign or something)

So this grill session, I decide to just sit back and let someone else deal with the grill so maybe finally I can get to enjoy a nice grilled meal...but nope, as said before social anxiety nearly killed me out here.

Like grandpa I can handle your friends/company and theirs kids or niece or whatever in small groups but all at once. Are you trying to give me an early funeral? And this is the first time I have been around all at once before this, the largest group was 8 or so people but 15 maybe more, hell no. (My grandparents house is small, two bedrooms, a bathroom, kitchen and living room all connected by one small hallway, most of the guests were outside, either on the verandah or around the backyard where the grill was, summary: it was packed)

Currently, the house is quiet and I'm about to be petty and occupied the kitchen at this time making no means to be quite, sorry not sorry, I need to let out this frustration and get something to eat

(though, they're probably used to my late night cooking/baking session because it's the only time I feel comfortable cooking/baking)

Honestly can't tell if I'm just being really selfish or justified but I don't care that this point, all that matters is food rn

Peace (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠) ✌️

[champagnesupernoel]

Feeling very defeated where my health is concerned. I was off this weekend from work, and the rest of the days I was actually scheduled I missed because I was sick / having issues / flare up ig. Feels weird to call it a flare up because it kind of feels constant. There aren't definite starts and stops like I imagine a flare up would be. More chronic, constant. All the fucking time. But sometimes it's more unbearable and affects how well I function. I'm so sick of throwing up at work. I'll spare the details. I'm just so frustrated. Need to contact my doctor to tell him the latest medicine didn't help, kind of feel like it made things worse. I can tell he's frustrated too which is hard to watch and process. He's not outward about it. I can just tell. Can't blame him. Everyone's frustrated with how much of a fucking burden I've become. I screw everyone at work over when this happens. We're always short staffed because of me. I work retail and its about to be holiday season. I struggled with this last year too. I'm so depressed and tired of this. Progressively feeling more hopeless. Like what's the point if nothing helps. Grateful to those with patience. Grateful to those close to me who help out and support me where they can. I wish I felt able to do this same for them. Im just really struggling rn physically. I wish I could be the kind of partner who can provide more financially. I dont necessarily have to be the bread winner. I just wish I could handle working more hours therefore make more. I want to help more. But I'm stuck here. Useless and pathetic. Fuckmylife666 or whatever against me said.

[mosspapi]

Vent post feel free to ignore me lmao (TW for long discussion of sh, blood mention)

Honestly I'm so upset with myself rn. Like. I knew I was being unrealistic by telling myself I'd be able to stay clean for the entire summer immediately after I was doing it every single day for 8 months straight. That just wasn't gonna happen and I knew that when I set the goal. But it felt like I needed to as a safety concern bcuz idk what will happen if I'm found out right. But once I did it here the first time and didn't immediately get caught and locked up my brain has decided to completely throw even Pretending to try to stay clean out the window and I know I can't keep getting away with this. And I don't Want to. I don't Like feeling like I'm lying and hiding things. I didn't care when I was away for uni, where nobody would ever know and I could do whatever I wanted without feeling guilty for it. And I'm pretty good with harm reduction, I know how to manage myself with it, and it didn't really feel out of control until March or April so I wasn't having much of a Real problem with it, at least for myself. I know I have a problem lmao but it wasn't Effecting me. But I can't do any of that here and I don't like how that feels. I already have several bloody tissues shoved into my backpack bcuz I can't get rid of them without getting caught and worrying people or getting sent away. And I know my family already has enough on their plates, they don't need to add this back into it all again. And what's worse is I think I'm worrying my dog, every morning after I do it she comes up to me and gets really fucking affectionate and she looks so concerned and it just makes me fucking sick. Like she doesn't know what's going on, all she knows is she can smell blood on me and that's a bad thing so I need help and since no one else is she's trying to help me. Even if it maybe isn't that deep in reality, that's how it feels. And it makes me sick that I'm doing that to her yknow. So I seriously need to get it the fuck together and at least make a fucking attempt at stopping. You'd think after being clean* for almost 6 years it wouldn't be hard to go back to being clean but my brain hasn't been right since the most recent strep I had, getting strep always makes me relapse bcuz of my stupid autoimmune disorder, but it never fucking went away after this time and I've never had this big of a sh problem before, even when I was at my worst. I've done it 10x as much in the last 8 months as I did in my entire life before then. Yes. I counted. And sure I've probably not done it nearly as much as other ppl, people who 'really' struggle with it, but if I were left on my own I know I'd hit those really high numbers within the year. And it's already 10x as much as what they were willing to institutionalize me for, so clearly it's not insignificant. Like I'm proud of myself for lasting as long as I have been in between sessions, I've consistently gone 4+ days without doing it and I'm proud of that, and I'm not even necessarily upset with myself for Doing it because I know that's not gonna help and I wasn't expecting to never do it, I'm just upset with myself for completely giving up on being clean for the summer entirely and am just doing it anyways. I'm upset that I've given up. That's really all it boils down to. And I'm not Trying to give up, but when my brain is given an inch it'll take a mile. But I'm not in a position to NOT give it that inch right now. Idk man it's just so fucking hard and I'm trying my best but I can't seem to fuckjng figure it out. Idk where I was going with any of this I'm just upset and frustrated and I need to start at least Trying again. Because I can't keep doing this. Not while I'm in this house.

[imtrippin666]

"You're here! I'm so sorry Aria school has been a pain in my ass but only one more trimester after this one"

"Baby don't apologize, your education is important. I want the best for you and as lonely as I get my roommate just had a baby so I'm busy too."

"Ahhh... I best that's just lovely. How's the baby?"

"Dillions good. But I feel like it's only because I'm around. I wish I could pick up and leave to teach her some responsibility. San Myshuno is getting expensive."

"Aria if you need to vent about it please do. I really wanna hear everything out of your mouth"

"She just had a baby and is still going out every night, telling me all about who she fucks.... babe i dont even like dick and I'm hearing all ab them and how they look. Sarah is really fucking my career up too. I'm constantly with Dillion. Wouldnt be surprised if he called me mom. I don't even see kids in my plans right now. Barely scraping by."

"It sounds super stressful and draining baby. I'm sorry I haven't been the most available but please do drop by more like you did today. We'll be out of our situations soon. In a chic apartment, good neighbors, nice elevator, access to whatever we want because we'll be succeeding"

*Jasmine graps her supplies and starts rolling*

"I know what's help you destress princess."

*Jasmine sparks the blunt and hands it to Aria*

She wasn't the best at helping stress and frustrating situations but she wanted to give everything she knew helped her.

"You're a very gorgeous woman Aria. When I see you I'm shocked I'm with such a model type. I love how girly you are. Nice clothes, hair done, smelling amazing. It's hard to stop looking"

"You're telling me that. I was transcended when I saw you. Those curls and eyes man. Screaming fuck me"

Jasmines heart stopped. She wanted Aria just like how Aria wanted her. She just didn't wanna jump into things. And she didn't want hurt.

"About that princess. Can we kinda wait it out to have sex? I don't want you to think I'm avoiding it because of you or that I don't want to. I just need time."

"Of course we can't wait it out love, I mean you're so fulfilling now. I love just coming over, talking, drinking, and cuddling. I don't want you to feel judged for it. I don't mind. Can I ask what happened though?"

Jasmine was shake and feeling sick. She didn't want anything to do with Madilyn and hated bringing her up. But it was probably the only person she'd allow to hear about this in detail.

"I was with this girl for around 6 to 7 months. Her name is Madilyn and I know it doesn't seem long but it was the longest relationship and most serious I had. She was my best friend since she moved to San Sequoia, my home town. We met when I was 15. But she quickly wanted to open the relationship. I didn't question that much out of insecurity and knowing I was working a lot. All I asked was no men because of my other ex."

Jasmine felt even more sick and was about to brush past it but the reassuring look and touch of Aria worked.

"Baby keep going. Don't worry ab me really. I care about you."

" We went out to this club that was specific to us. I noticed a dude staring at her weird. Not like he was into her weird but like he knew her. I knew she didn't know him cuz I had never seen him before. Our night continues and I got to pee and find her slowly swaying her body rubbing on it towards him. Weeks later she finally tells me she's been fucking him and starting a relationship. I kicked her out of my apartment. Met you. Dumped her. I just don't like sex rn."

[tojigasm]

I've been having anxiety attacks constantly for the lasy few days and I feel so shity and sad and nervous becuz of it, lolz I literally feel sick. Anyways, this is kinda some therapy I'm doing for myself to help cope with what I'm going through haha, ur free to like & comment just pls dont reblog as this is a coping method for me rn

Tw: s*cidal thoughts, anxiety, crying, depression, frustration, pet names, toji trying to help, mentions of vomit, mentions of s*icide, feelings of helplessness, not getting better, feelings of blame, instability in life, dissociation, screaming, gagging, toji crying

"I just- I can't. I cant fucking do this anymore Toji, I-" you're sobbing, choked and drooling sobs that have you pressing your swollen face into the soft fabric of your blanket.

Everything hurts so fucking much and you swear you can't breathe, swear you can't fucking survive. You're choking, your brain is throbbing, you can fucking feel your brain inside your skull - pulsing and humming, like an insects crawling on the bone of your spine.

"I feel like I'm fucking dying Toji!" You scream, your voice cracking and falling into a heart-wrenching cry; your hands burn at the force you hold the baby blue blanket with.

Toji offers what he can, because its all he can do. Stroking his hand up and down your back, plush lips pulled into a sorrowful pout.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." You can hear the tears in his throat, crawling and tickling their way up to the surface of his words.

Suddenly you're hyperventilating, drool spills from your lips, soaking the plush blanket. You're gagging on your own voice, your own fucking thoughts. Everybody's watching you - god, when does it fucking end. When will people get bored, why do people pick you apart until there's nothing left? Why? Why? Why?

"Honey, calm down, take some deep breaths for me," Toji lets you rock back and forth in his arms, heavy and hysterical sobs muffled by the fabric of his shirt.

But you can't calm down. Not now, not that everything that's been built up and fucking destroyed, not now that all the pain and anxiety and fear that's been pooling and rotting in your brain for the past year and a half has boiled over, bubbling and overflowing the very walls of your unstable mind.

God, you wish you could just fucking die.

"It hurts, Toji," you sob, hiccupping before you're thrown into another fit of tears - utterly hysterical, you're rendered hopeless, "it hurts so fucking much."

Toji begins to cry silently with you, tears seemingly flow unwarranted - as if he doesn't even realize he's crying.

Cupping your head to his chest he whispers to you softly, "Shhh..." he brings his arm under your legs, pulling you into his lap, "Baby, calm down, please sweetheart," he pleads, resting his chin atop your head.

He feels absolutely hopeless, he's supposed to protect you, offer you everything he can to help you feel safe and yet he couldn't protect you from the one thing destroying you, that happening to be your own fucking mind.

You're sobbing so hopelessly into his chest, he thinks he might puke. He can fucking feel the anxiety pooling off of your shaking arms and legs in clouds, it makes him physically ill, he can't even believe you've made it this long the way you're breaking in front of him.

And he's absolutely horrified, scared to death that this time, even if he is able to pick up your broken pieces and sew you back together, that next time - if there even is a "next time" - that his efforts will be completely futile in the face of your grueling thoughts.

"I know, kid, I know." He sniffles, looking up to the ceiling, he lets his tears fall for a couple seconds before he's pulling back and kissing your forehead. "Let it all out, sweetie, not gonna leave you."

His words only trigger you to cry harder, grip on his shirt tightening, "it's not your fault, sweetheart," Toji grounds you, "It's not your fault."

Opening your mouth in a silent cry, you pull and tear at the fabric of his hoodie in an attempt to have something, anything; anything at all. If you can't have your fucking mind, can't you at least have this? But nothings working. You're completely lost, you feel hollow and shaken and your brain feels empty and cold and you can't think, and fuck, you can't even feel. Are you even fucking alive? Are you real?

"You still with me, baby?" Toji sniffles, pulling away from your still shaking body, craning his neck, he looks to see you asleep, so fucking exhausted you cried yourself to sleep.

Toji wants to fucking die. You're so stressed and scared you're still shaking in your sleep and he can't even help you - can't even given you release of being able to sleep.

He knows you'll wake up soon, your brain's too fried, too tired and numb. You hardly sleep through a night nowadays, stricken by horrible nightmares, having to cling to Toji for remainder of the night.

Deep, swollen circles have grown around your eyes as a result, you're weak, fragile and your body weighs thin. You've stopped eating, the anxiety of everything's too much - you can't keep anything down, let alone even find the energy to eat.

It's worse when Toji's on missions though, he'll get a call in the middle of the night, his heart sinking at the sound of your cries, his baby's cries.

He wishes he could take it all away, remove all the heartache and mind-numbing pain that wracks and ruins you. Its infuriating - he's supposed to be unstoppable, an anomaly amongst the Zenin clan and curse users, someone who's brought change. Yet, he can't help but feel completely useless, all his success, useless in the face of your pain.

He sighs, settling into his own thoughts and relaxing against the cushioned couch as you sleep in his lap. For a couple moments, he's quiet, and for a second - he thinks his hearts stopped, the rooms too quiet, he can hear the blood rushing through his ears, feel his veins contracting and constricting beneath his skin. Its all too much.

He doesn't realize he's crying until he sees small damp spots scattered along the shoulder of your shirt. He sighs deeply, bringing a hand up from your back to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"I'm sorry, kid," he breathes shakily, "Wish I could take all this shit away from you." Toji cries for a long while, hand covered in tears and sweat when he finally succumbs to his body's breakage, pulling you closer in the seat of his lap before drifting off.

His sleep will be short, he knows this. Knows you'll be up soon, sobbing and crying and clinging to his body for comfort and Toji will pick you up and rock you until you've fallen asleep again, and then the cycle will start over.

Toji lulls the routine over in his mind, a part of him wondering just how much longer you could endure the pain and fear before its too much and you snap.

He doesn't want to know.

[jd-loves-fiction]

hi bub !! ❤️❤️ you OK ?? you well ?? i saw that the event are finally , finally - FINALLY opened & i literally screeched , lol . & it's in the middle of the evening rn , i - regarding the event , though , will it be OK if i request an izana + forbidden love + angst ??? ❤️❤️

take all the time you need & congratulations on opening the event !! 🎊❤️❤️

🦊 hello darling! I’m ok, just getting used to college🙃 but i’m so glad you were so excited about this :)) hope you enjoy this❤

◈ A very bad day (or is it?) ◈

◈ genre: angst, fluff

◈ pairing: Izana x fem!reader

The fox boy from the apartment next door intrigues you. Though he's no boy, he's a man, slim, elegant but strong. You'd seen it when he managed to move all his stuff in all on his own in only a day.

And he's unfairly beautiful. Large white ears perched upon his fluffy hair twitching at every sound, contrasting wonderfully against his tan skin. His violet eyes only serve to make him look even more dreamy. And those plump lips that often like to pull into a devious smile.

Oh, how you wish you could feel them yourself.

But you mustn't. Who says so? Society. That's why no one ever talks to him, besides you when no one is around. Because of fear of being shunned for it.

Not just that, there's also the small detail that marriage between humans and hybrids is forbidden by law due to lack of research on the consequences. Research that hasn't made progress in years, probably because the scientists in charge of it have so far been much too focused on studying hybrids as if they're fully animals and not half-human, with our same, prized, intelligence and most of the same features. You have little hope that things change in the near future.

And so, you’ve kept your distance, or tried. The man is much too charming for him own good, holding the door for you, helping you with heavy groceries and the like, acting like an absolute gentleman for reasons unknown to you, all with the most beautiful smile. It’s all been a little hard to handle.

But basic empathy implies just that and nothing more, right? You simply find him attractive and appreciate his endless sympathy, right?

At least that's what you thought until a certain very rainy day.

It had started off bad enough that you had hoped and prayed that it wouldn’t get any worse, to no avail. You woke up late to find a wall of clouds over the blue sky, which you didn’t expect. But the fact that you were rushing to get to work made you forgetful, so you unknowingly left not only an umbrella behind but also your keys, which fell from your bag without you noticing.

The public transport delayed your arrival even further and with that anxiety you remained unaware of your missing keys. Due to this you were late to work, but so were most of your coworkers so your boss let you off easy.

The next problem makes itself known after work, when you arrive home only to realize your keys are nowhere to be found, "Oh, for fuck's sake!"

Your exclamation caught the attention of your handsome neighbor, who steps out of his apartment to see what the commotion was, only to see you with your head in your hands while trying to even out your breathing in order to remain calm and not burst into tears.

"Hey, do you need help? What's wrong?" Izana, he'd introduced himself as the first time you actually talked, asks sympathetically while slowly edging closer to your trembling form as to not startle you.

"Huh? No, it's fine." You try to brush it off, hiding your troubled expression from his kind violet orbs.

"Fine? You're soaking wet, you'll be sick if you don't warm up soon." He replies sternly, "If you can't get into your apartment, you can shower at mine while I call the landlord to open your door."

Tired, frustrated and very much defeated, you nod and follow the man to his house wordlessly.

Inside, it's warm and colorful, with shades of red and violet everywhere in a way that should look gaudy but surprisingly doesn't.

He rushes to get you some clothes before showing you to the bathroom so you can take a warm shower, leaving with an awkward nod and what seems to be a blush on his dark cheeks.

Standing in what is basically a stranger's bathroom, you think about your situation. What the hell.

This? After so long of subconsciously keeping your feelings hidden and subdued? If this isn't some sort of sign, you know what would be one.

What this 'sign' means though, you have no clue.

Should you go against the grain and make a move like your heart wants to do desperately? Or run out the door, hoping this is all just a bad dream?

"Everything alright?" Izana calls out from beyond the bathroom door, soft and concerned but loud enough to be heard and make you jump about half a foot in the air from the sheer shock, "Y-Yes!" you stutter back.

After hurriedly getting ready, you come out to the living room to find your host sat on the couch. His white ears flick as your footsteps come to stop close by him before his violet eyes fall on your form, clad in his large shirt, hair wet and face flushed from the heat.

You've just said something to him - he can see your lips moving - but he just can't seem to hear it over his own heart beating like a drum, "Sorry, what?"

"Thank you and... Sorry for bothering. Have you gotten any news yet?" You shuffle nervously under his intense, wide-eyed gaze.

He blinks for a moment, "Oh, you're welcome. And he just told me he's stuck in traffic, might take a bit."

You sigh, hand on your forehead as you feel a migraine forming. This is too much for just one day.

Izana, seemingly always observant, gets up from his seat, offering you a blanket, "I'll make some tea." You have no other option but to accept it and sit on the couch as he works.

You space out as he does, thinking about everything and nothing in particular, before he places a warm cup of chamomile tea before your eyes.

"So, some guy stood you up?" Izana tries after a few moments of silence, hoping that he's wrong or else he might not be able to handle the jealously and protectiveness he knows he'll feel even though he really shouldn't.

"What? No, no. Just a really bad day." You sigh, tracing the flowers painted on the side of the dainty cup. Not what you'd expect for a guy like Izana, hair tied away from his face, tattoos showing just beneath his shirt, more piercings than you can count. Must've been a gift.

He gives you that look that says 'hit me with it', and you give in easily, talking about the awful day you've had, stumbling over your words because it sounds silly or entitled, feeling shy beneath his focused gaze. But he just nods serenely, urging you to continue, making silly remarks throughout to see you smile against the edge of your teacup.

It's nice, peaceful. So much so that you barely notice the time go by until a ringing phone cuts through the pleasant atmosphere like a burning knife. The landlord.

Realization hits you. What am I doing?

This is dangerous. This familiarity is dangerous, considering the feelings that were already there before that.

This is close to forbidden, if not completely so by cultural standards.

But he's so... Everything. Everything you've ever dreamed of. He's nothing like the media have led you to believe his kind to be - shallow, emotionless, cunning - sure, he's mischievous just like they said, but it worked to make you feel better so how's that a bad thing?

Izana gives you a smile and tells you that the landlord can open your door now before guiding you to the door and handing you a bag with your clothes. You step outside his apartment and you can the landlord, twirling a key around, no doubt he can hear you. But the day has been so bad that you decide, fuck it, you should do something nice for yourself.

"We should- hmm, do this again s-some time." Your voice fades out at the end as you notice the eyes that are now on you - the landlord, the noisy neighbors through the peephole and most importantly, the pair of violet ones you've been staring deeply into, the whole night.

"Hang out?" The owner of the gem-like orbs asks hopefully, grinning widely when you nod shyly. "Of course! Better get those expectations high because I'm gonna blow you away."

You giggle at his enthusiasm and whisper a few words or appreciation and encouragement before moving towards your apartment, uncaring of the now shocked gazes that follow. All while Izana's fluffy white tail can't stop wagging about.

[lnc2]

my mom and i got in a huge fight yesterday which is a generous description of what was basically me being clumsy and knocking over a lamp and her berating me, implying i was stupid at one point because i forgot the word for remote, and then saying i was too incompetent to take care of the house while they're out of town. obviously i was distraught by the whole thing and i said lately everything i do seems to irritate you and she snapped back that i called her five times the other day to complain (it had been a weird day- milk exploded in my fridge/power line went out/etc. and these conversations didn't last long beyond the normal check in i've been doing because, you know, i'm sick). but i do call a lot and i can't do all of the things she wants me to so it's not like i can really argue back or defend myself especially when it's a "what you're doing rn is hurtful" and she slams back with "well here are all the things you do wrong" instead of having any sort of productive conversation. i think it's the fact that i'm not getting better and she's tired of it and i'm not going to get into everything here because it's too much but i can be understanding and also reach my own breaking point because instead of communicating with me about her frustrations she went into a tirade that was just disproportionate with the situation and also just incredibly damaging. i left and told them i hope they had a good trip. after a nice long cry session and then a conveniently timed therapy appt i opted instead of shooting her a message asking for space (my best friend's idea which i shot down because i know her response would be passive aggressive and turn the blame back on me) or going with my initial impulse which was just to not talk to either of my parents at all but let the silence fester (also a bad idea because i would just sit in my feelings) i opted to text my dad and say i hope you have a safe trip but i won't be reaching out. i'll be fine but if there's an emergency i'll let them know and they should call if they need something. that way my dad could pass it on to my mom and i could just... try and piece my peace together.

so tell me why i just got a call from her checking in like nothing happened? i said i was doing fine and then ended the call a minute later. i've mentioned before that whenever she does something wrong she just brushes it aside and acts like i should just get over it and i'm being unreasonable but yesterday was just... completely too much for me. idek if i expect an apology but i definitely want space. i'm putting this here bc i was shifting wildly between i did the right thing and i'm a horrible person before i even got that call and now i'm spiraling again because i hate conflict especially with my parents and especially because rn i can't do anything literally so i feel so guilty with everything involving them because, you know, they're supporting me rn because fucking covid fucking disabled me. and if i thought communicating these feelings with her would work then i'd do it but i've tried and i always am the one who ends up apologizing and then being resentful afterwards and i'm tired. i'm so tired.

anyways i'm just sharing this so i don't sit in my internal dialogue of guilt that i wasn't immediately forthcoming or wanting to talk to brush it aside which has been our pattern my whole life. i'm allowed to be hurt and angry. i just need to remind myself of that.

i'm trying to avoid the impulse to defend her bc ofc she's done so much for me and i know i'm not perfect and blah blah blah because that's not the point rn. the point is that i'm hurt and and i'm angry and i can feel these feelings without temporizing them.

ugh.

[fairycosmos]

anxiety and intrusive thoughts piss me off so much sometimes like just when i'm done being terrified of one thing something else triggers me and the cycle repeats again like i guess that's the reality of how anxiety works but it's still so frustrating u know?

omg yeahhh i totally hear you god i can't express how much i GET what you mean. i think the cycles of mental illness are what really wears your mind down, above all the other shit that comes with being sick. it's really hard to live with, it's exhausting. it's tedious, even. you know what your brain is doing and yet you still can't stop it, and it's like you go mad trying to fight it. even on meds and with therapy and time and healing, you can get caught in the same old loops. it's a lot. when i was like 12, and my hypochondria was in one of its really bad phases, i was crying in my doctors office and he said the same thing. he was like: even if i tell you you're physically healthy, you're going to find something else to worry about and end up right back here again because that's the nature of mental illness, anxiety especially. now, it's the same with my intrusive thoughts, same patterns, same neurotic-ness. what he said really stuck with me because i kinda realized in that moment that i am never going to rid myself of this feeling entirely. that i will always be scared, searching for problems, hyper alert, out of control in my own head. and the goal is to manage and function, not to cure it at this point. that's just for me, though, and obviously experiences vary.

anyway, i'm sorry you're going through something similar and i'm sorry you know what it's like. i seriously would not wish it on anyone, and i understand that it often leaves you feeling completely disheartened and hopeless. takes up so much of your life, too. i think it's totally normal to feel that way when you've been put through the ringer so many times w the same old shit and the same old illness and all it ever does is permeate, it's the fucking worst. i do think having this level of self awareness about your repetitive thinking cycles and habits is a good sign and a tool you could learn to use to lessen the anxiety in its most heightened moments, BUT i also get that that is way easier said than done. i hear you and ur not alone in dealing with this at all. <3 i really hope you are able to find both the professional and personal support you need/deserve, and consistent moments of peace, with time. even if that's a whole process in and of itself. take care of yourself and try to approach it with a one-day-at-a-time mindset. you're doing a lot better than you realize just by coping and being self aware enough to send something like this. sending a huge hug over ur way rn x

[jaefmin]

Treat you better | N.Jm

Treat you better - Na Jaemin

↳ Pairing: caretaker!Jaeminx fem!reader [sick!reader]

↳ Genre: fluff, angst, fever, humor (if you notice mine😭), friend!au, anxiety, childhood!friends, tattooed!Jaemin sadlkf they don't even kiss-

↳ Synopsis: It's your stupid, ugly and imperfect body that's giving up right before attending an important meeting with your boss. This could give you a promotion, but your body's in a state to just lay in bed all day. Will you be able to get to the meeting?

↳ WC: 2.7k

Header made by: @vantaengelic Go follow my baby rn!!

↳ Pairing: caretaker!Jaeminx fem!reader [sick!reader]

↳ Genre: fluff, angst, fever, humor (if you notice mine😭), friend!au, anxiety, childhood!friends, tattooed!Jaemin sadlkf they don't even kiss-

↳ Synopsis: It's your stupid, ugly and imperfect body that's giving up right before attending an important meeting with your boss. This could give you a promotion, but your body's in a state to just lay in bed all day. Will you be able to get to the meeting?

↳ WC: 2.7k

Ajdjksj- why dId I mAkE tHe syNoPsIs sO cLIcHé

@intokook 🙃🙃

As soon as you're about to pass out from exhaustion, someone knocks at your room's door. Not now. Please. You're barely left with the energy to open your eyes. Your eyelids feel heavy, but soon lift up wide awake when the person enters your room. Those usual creaky sounds of the doors reach your ears only to make you quiver, and, you're blessed with a sight of a pale faced man, hair neatly arranged on his face with a worried expression. Your eyes fall on the man's outfit, a pair of cargos, with a black shirt covering his torso. His facial features seem pleasuring- beautiful orbs with round specs, muscular hands, and beautiful tattoos on them. You immediately recognize the man by his tattoos, and he seems to recognize you too. His appearance disgusts you now that you've realized him. But it's too late to analyze and hate the man in front of you more deeply. Before knowing anything more, you fall asleep.

You feel a hard splash on your face, and in seconds, and you're wide awake. A chill runs down your spine and you begged for the person to have thrown warm water on you. Your eyes witness a standing Jaemin, with a mug of water in his hands. His tattoos attract your eyes towards them, and you can't help but stare at them. "So this is how long it takes to wake you up? I've been shaking you for the past half hour and you are like some big old chimpanzee that doesn't feel anything when an ant's trying to move it." Jaemin baffles. "Hey!" You stammer "Anyways, why are you here?" You ask back. It was oddly strange of Jaemin to be here. "Some man called Jaehyun sent me here. I'm originally taking care of old sick people in an old-age home, but Jaehyun told me about your situation. Trust me, I didn't expect it to be you." Jaemin explained in a high tone. He paused a bit after a comeback again. "And If your condition's hell, then didn't you think of paying the doctor a visit?" His tone seemed like he was sick because of you, and he was criticizing you for even breathing. "That's not how you talk to a sick person." You stood up in your defense "Yeah yeah. 'Sweetie, would you like to visit the doctor? 'Cause I really think we should go there.'" Jaemin mocked you, and you could really see the same young, frustrated Jaemin in him. "You haven't changed at all, have you?"

Jaemin made sure you were seated properly in the car. He drove the seatbelt around you and continued to the driver's seat. He turned on the heater, and asked "So, what's wrong? When did you get your fever?" His tone seemed to have calmed a little bit. "Yesterday night. I had a headache, the night was full of surprises every hour." You replied to him in a voice low pitched. "Don't worry we'll get you all fine. And Jaehyun told me that you had a really important meeting... Or something like that? Would you like to tell me more about it?" Jaemin asked. "Oh yeah, there's a personal meet my boss wants to host with me. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have exaggerated it, only if it wasn't in Vegas." You ended with a sad tone, knowing that you'll never make it in there. And losing your job... for another season of hunger games until you get the next one. You sighed. "Don't worry sweetheart. I'll take you there." Jaemin boldly let out.

"No need to worry Y/N. You're absolutely fine. It's just a viral. All those bacteria are kinda fighting inside your tummy, and you've gotta let the good one win and then bam! Y/N's all back!" Jaemin exclaimed. "Which one's the good one?" You ask him only to have been receiving a weird reply from him. At first, he stammered a bit, and then let out. "Not like you're gonna go and dance with pom-poms inside your tummy to cheer them up. Do you even know how much Jaehyun exaggerated it?" He immediately changed the subject. He kept on talking, and indistinct sounds entered in your ears as you were in your own world, lost, thinking something. Although a smile did appear on your face upon hearing Jaehyun's name, and how he'd taken care of you. He was the best colleague ever, and you had your own little crush on him.

"J-Jaemin?"

"Yes?"

"I really need to clean up my bedroom. You've witnessed how soiled it is. Would you mind doing that for me?"

"While you will...?"

"...Watch the telly?"

......

"Alright, JUST because you're sick. Keep in mind I don't really be so kind to people like you. I hate those years when you're in your twenties. A big judgmental couch potato stuck to your screen."

"Well, you are in your twenties?" You replied after calculating a bit. "Not for long." Jaemin replied. "A decade passes like this." He snapped his fingers to indicate how the years pass, and you seemed to be fascinated with his answers. You knew the old Jaemin, the one that used to bully you in high school, but this one seems interesting. Feels like he's gotten over the series of unfortunate events that you both went across. His aura was different. The kind that would make you jump into his personality's fathomless ocean, and plunge into it. Somehow, he made you feel like he had changed a bit, but at the same time likewise the old Jaemin. The days you spent together, the fights both of you had, all those memories kept haunting you. You never forgot what he meant to you. "Earth to Y/N?" Jaemin snapped you out of your thoughts and you looked back at the tattooed man. "I'm not going to clean up your room." "What?!?! Why?!?" You stood and stared at the air, thinking what happened to your voice. It got harder, huskier, a sense of cough in it. Before you knew it, you were coughing your lungs out like crazy, and that just made Jaemin panic. He started going around in circles, and you immediately asked him to bring water because you knew he wasn't going to do that on his own. "Alright, shh calm down. Relax. Here's your pill. Have it and take rest." Jaemin shortly laid you on the bed after that. His face was on top of yours, and he was about to get your medicines to you, when you felt it coming. You were about to cough. You were trying your best to control it, but Jaemin wouldn't stop lecturing you on relaxing.

Bam.

"UGH!! GROSS Y/N!!!!!!" Jaemin's face was a masterpiece from down where you were looking from. After a couple- err well a lot of 'ewws', 'ughs', 'you're so damn gross' , 'who would want to even take care of you', he finally calmed down.

"What kind of person coughs on the face of their own caretakers?" Jaemin asked after wiping his face for the tenth time. "Face-cougher." You were all giggly and jolly before hearing that name. "Excuse me?" You said. "What's wrong, Face-cougher?" You did not like the new nickname. "You did not call me that." "Yes I just did, face-cougher." Jaemin replies and you are not staying quiet in this. "Y/N is a face-cougher!! Face-cougher!!" Jaemin started teasing and that's all you were taking.

Another bam.

And it isn't good this time too.

This time, you landed right on Jaemin. He put the couch cushions for his defense, but the anger inside you told you to throw the cushion and throttle him right away. And you decided to do that. Of course, not the whole 'throttling' part. He was quick enough to find another good defense. This one was a vessel, the one he decided to cook pasta for you in, but that never progressed further more than deciding. So, physically preparing yourself, you grabbed the spatula and dashed towards Jeno. A thought tingled inside you and you tried to push it away, but it forced you to look at it.

You're sick, Y/N.

You almost forgot about that. Your body was filled with a wave of energy to fight back. This thought didn't last too long, and not before you're outta the dreamy world and back at Jaemin. You were right above him right now. Jaemin immediately used his defense, the closed side facing towards you. You hit the vessel making a loud noise, and it sort of felt that you were getting your panic attack again. It hadn't been a long time since you knew that your spatula wouldn't last against his vessel and now you didn't even have the time to go and change again. He took the advantage of your a-bit-too-late-realization and pounced over you. "Damn it! Is this how girls are when they're sick?!?! Oh pity those male doctors!!" It was kinda weird to hear these things from a guy's mouth, but you knew what an anti-girl person Jaemin was. It reminded you of your colleague Jungkook, who had the same behavior towards girls. Jaemin's arm slipped over, and he landed right on you. There was a worried expression on his face, to get close to you again, a fear of whether you might 'bam' him or not again. He immediately held you for support, but your body was doing nothing other than feeling weak- no mood to stay strong, so you got pulled away with Jaemin. He landed on ground with his back facing it, and had you in a such a position that his body was pressed against yours. Jaemin's face was centimeters apart from yours, and it reminded you of this days when he used to hold you this close. You both stayed still in the moment, processing what just happened. He waited a while, before he stretched out his hand to cup your face. He stroked your skin with his soft hands, a feeling of shiver running down your spine. "Everything's still the same, Y/N." Jaemin muttered. "I'll be here."

"Alright, have this, you'll be fine within half an hour." Jaemin gave you a huge tablet. "Are you sure?" You asked, nervousness filling you up. "Yes, the doctor's prescribed it.'' After having the medicine, you had a nice sleep while He cleaned up your room, and you woke up around six. "Morning, sleeping beauty." Jaemin's voice was heard across the room. Its like he knew that you were going to wake up right at this moment. Freaky how he does that.

Does he have to get back the flirting mode on? You rub your eyes, and try to get up, but due to the weakness inside, you fall back. Jaemin immediately notices and rushes towards you. "Does the medicine make you feel any better?" He asks, a caring tone occupying his voice. He puts his hand under your waist and tries to get you up, the bridal style. "What are you doing!? Move!" You shove his hand away, a stiffness taking shield over your body. "What? I was helping you get up." You saw the innocence in his voice and calmed down a bit. "It's alright, I can handle that."

He gives you a perplexed look and turns to the soft toy in his hand. "Alright, but I must admit, you have a great soft toy collection." Jaemin faces you again, this time with puppy eyes.

"NO. You're not going anywhere with Dolphie. Keep it back."

He turns towards the shelf while mumbling something to himself.

...

"HEY! I'M NOT A MEANIE!"

Jaemin left the dolphin on the shelf and your eyes were forced to shift their gaze towards the whole room. It was way cleaner than you could ever keep it. Everything was finally clean, not dust-coated as it used to stay. Your study table attracted your attention- looking brand new, as if it were just made yesterday. Jaemin must have some experience of helping old age people with their stuff back at his old house. "Wow. It's... pretty." You complimented his efforts. He smiles to you and lays over your bed. "You have pretty great stuff."

"I liked your journal the best."

You felt like throwing yourself outside the window. Or, it might be great to take him in too so he doesn't go around telling everybody about your crushes. "Literally, Y/N," You weren't prepared for what's next. What's he going to reveal? The time you crushed on your math teacher? Or when you imagined a boy naked? But what came out was way worse than all of the book.

"You had a wet dream with me?"

Oh no. Out of all of it this one was what he asked? The tension on your face rose up, blood rushing up to your cheeks. He looked at you and smirked. "Oh, don't worry sweetheart. I've read all of it." You couldn't handle a second before you smashed a pillow right at him. He took it by surprise, and actually got hit by the pillows. "Do girls hit people when they're shy?"

Crackhead.

A thought rose up in your mind. "Yes. They do. And if you get them too shy they might even stab you." Jaemin mocked a scared look on his face and then went, "Heh. You and your stupid girl jokes." You quickly needed something against him... a secret, maybe. You try to recall something embarrassing that he told you, and it strikes faster than you thought.

"I think you might die."

Jaemin's face was left expressionless, "Oh, all because I read your journal and now you're gonna stab me?"

"Close, but not exact."

Before you could tell him the exact reason why he might die, he pulls out a pink book, and turns out, it's nothing but your journal.

"Y/N-" Before any word could come out of that beautiful mouth of this crackhead, you reach out to grab the book from his hands. It seems like he doesn't even want to try, and you have the book in your hands within a flash.

You keep the book with you, hugging it as tight as possible, so that even if he tries to make a grab at it, he would fail. He lays down on your bed, the body-fit shirt hugging him tight. It seemed like his mood had completely changed. He chuckles, "You're still the same, you know? Nothing has changed." He held out your hand. Was he trying to change the topic?

You try to indulge into the conversation, asking "How? Everything has changed over the last decade."

Jaemin had changed completely, and that fact made you think that he would feel the same towards you. You saw a sense of maturity, more of responsibility in him. Ever since both of you separated, it had been hard to move on, every day and night spent in grief. But as usual, life strung the both of you along with it, and you both followed. You suddenly had flashbacks, that night in the club, the pool party... you immediately shook your head, wanting to forget all of the embarrassing moments of your life.

"Y/N, You know that the meeting's tomorrow, right?" Jaemin's face grew serious. "Do you have any idea how you're going to manage?" There was a tone of worriedness in his words. "C'mon! I almost became your wrestle buddy! I can handle it!! I'll just gulp down some of my medicines, and I'll be okay." Your conditions were streets ahead after you got some sleep. Everything felt finer, specially when you woke up to the perfect sight of the room you never had. You played with Jaemin's fingers and then reached out for his arms. You assured him, "Everything's going to be fine, only if I can control myself for puking on you." Not being able to control yourself, you giggled at Jaemin's widened eyes.

"I'm going to wear plastic on me then." You burst out into fits of laughter, "Like JYP?" Jaemin smiled upon you, "Yes."

After all of this, you were sure the trip would be fun, and you probably won't upload the next season of hunger games.

[daisukissed]

part two of my animal crossing series

❧ pairing: todoroki shouto x gn!reader

❧ synopsis: in which your hatred towards the island's hearthrob melts into something warmer

❧ genre: headcanons, fluff

❧ warnings: cursing

- he was the talk of the town when he first came

- girls and boys were flocking in front of the residence services just to take a glimpse at him

- which annoyed you SO much cause you're trying to pay loans here

- not getting squeezed into oblivion as you try to reach the front door of the building

- it's a godsend that there were actually no signs of people inside, much thanks to bakugou's fiery personality

- so you opened the door, the cold air-conditioned room welcoming you and immediately took a look at the infamous boy that got the whole island down to their knees for him

- and,,, ,, oh wow,,, okay,,,, you kinda get the hype now,,,,,

- B U T

- just because he has a pretty face doesn't mean that he could go and make your life harder than it is

- so it's safe to say that your first impression on todoroki isn't that great </3

- which is kinda unfair to him cause it's not his fault that he's born with a good looking face!!!!

- but that's besides the point

- anyways, it's as if all of the gods above knew of your slight disdain towards the red and white haired boy, choosing to test your limits by putting you in this situation

- this situation where you're forcefully paired up with the said boy, having to share a hefty amount of your precious time with him

- cause being the island's representative and all, bakugou just had to assign you to this project on improving the island's ratings

- and of course, who could be more perfect in assisting you other than his secretary, todoroki shouto?

- "okay, you know what!!! maybe he isn't as bad as you think!!!! maybe you'll get along with him!!!!!!" you thought to yourself

- wrong.

- "todoroki-san, could you help me sort this part out?"

- "??????? ???? you can't do something this easy?"

- "todoroki-san, what do you think of this one i did?"

- "it's downright bad, honestly."

- Hlj$//&Jssl&2&/&:!2@/

- you hate him. you truly, absolutely, utterly despise him.

- funny thing is, he doesn't even know that he's doing these things to you

- bb's just honest and blunt to the core

- but you don't know that and thinks he's doing it purposely instead

- so you pay back by pulling these subtle and childish pranks

- like putting a plastic cockroach on his desk somewhere

- or ruining his coffee with handfuls of salt

- which all failed btw, you should've known this emotionless bitch would drink salted coffee like it's a normal thing smh

- somewhere along the lines of your messy interactions and one-sided hatred, you find yourself paying more and more attention to him

- like how he always plays with his fringes when bored

- or how he would always stifle this cute chuckle whenever you complain about your failed pranks

- and what!!!! noooOoo!! you're definitely not going soft for this guy wdym!!

- you definitely are

- anyways, this led to you realizing that he's actually stressed 24/7??????

- which isn't much of a surprise cause you'd be too if your boss is bakugou

- but what you don't get is why he wouldn't quit this job when there's better jobs out there outside this secluded island

- so you ask

- and he starts telling you all these details about his life like his father's high standards, the dreadful abuse, and his relationship with his mom and siblings

- "living here is much more better than staying at that house, even if it means i'll have to work day and night everyday."

- fuck!!! who's chopping the damn onions here!!!!!

- your thoughts on todoroki shifted considerably that day and so did your feelings as well

- and by that i mean the irresistible urge to burden and trouble his already chaotic life

- petty insults and arguments turned into toned down talks, stink eyes and pouts into silent respect

- you were already loosening up to him without even noticing

- it was on a fine sunday when the aloof boy seemed to be exceptionally stressed, even more so than usual

- his under eye circles were dark, his patience thin and hair disheveled, his skin pale and gray

- he kinda looked like someone who would offer you drugs in a dark alleyway ngl

- of course, you can't just let your beloved partner lose his goddamn mind over some paperworks, can't you?

- cause who will be doing all the work if he falls sick or takes a leave? definitely not you!

- you'd rather leave this island than work on this humongous project alone

- so you're totally not doing this because you were worried for him or something pfffttt

- grabbing an arm to pull him from the seat he was stuck to for days, you guide him to the outside world, the warm sunlight immediately greeting the both of you

- "y/n?? what are we doing, we got work to-"

- "i'm not working with someone who can't even think straight. we're taking the day off."

- bakugou's at the back FUMING at the disappearance of you two rn

- you start walking down the grassy field with todoroki by your side, making your way to the vast sea of blues

- the smell of wide ocean air and strong breeze hit you upon arriving at the beach, small grains of sands lying beneath your feet

- todoroki's all like: ??????? why are we at the beach????

- and you're like: to fish???? duh, we're here to relax????????

- wrong again.

- hours passed as you spent the time reeling fishes by fishes, the young boy doing the same.

- the sun had set by now, dyeing the once blue sky a beautiful orange, streaks of pink accompanying it

- "y/n it's getting late now, we should go"

- "no no no no no, i swear i'll catch something good this time"

- ..............

- "y/n that's your 33rd sea bass"

- you let out a frustrated scream as you released the slimy fish, lips pulling into a sulky frown

- "i fucking hate this day."

- standing up from the pier you were previously sitting on, you turned towards the tall boy, an unsatisfied feeling overcoming you

- and that's when you saw it.

- a gentle and kind smile. one so warm that it made you think twice if what you're seeing is in fact, real. one that made you wish would never fade away.

- todoroki shouto actually smiled

- your plan of de-stressing failed when you decided to try out fishing but the moment you saw his smile, you felt it was all worth it.

𓏲ָ✞aglist: @softkatsuki @italicization @xiorrawrites @meep-meepity @rizamendoza808 @yikes-buddy @spooky-madison @babayaga67 @raspberryhaterade @creatorofstars @starlight-oracle

[eunique]

I am so fucking sick and tired of the Western Genshin Impact fandom rn.

This fandom just LOVES to maul anyone at any given point

Like this fandom chased Diluc and Kaeya's ENG VA off twitter for retweeting innocent fanart of Kaeya and Diluc (original artist got attacked to), disrespected Corina (Paimon's ENG VA) to tears on tiktok and now ya'll are making Zach (Aether's ENG VA) feel like shit after the 2.1 livestream because it was scripted and cringe?

You don't have to like the stream and that's absolutely fine but it really doesn't give you the right to attack the VAs. They don't know what the final product will turn out to be like. They just do their bit and get paid. They're human beings doing their job to put food on their table and pay their bills.

And then you complain when the 2.0 stream was in Chinese? And I BET that the same people that complained are absolutely fine playing Genshin with the JP dub or even watch anime subbed. Make it make sense ffs. Can't understand the language? Subtitles exist use them. It's literally not that hard.

Telling people to unalive themselves because they got your fave character? Like ya'll are getting so shitty over p i x e l s. Your fave being your kinnie or your comfort character is not an excuse to go attacking anyone who has your fave character. You can be envious. You can be frustrated. Those are all valid but to the point of sending death threats is never okay

Not to mention people shitting on other people's mains and builds? Like fuck off. It's a predominantly single player game. No one asked for your input and if we wanted input, we'll go see a build guide and work it out. Like I don't mind if someone is new to Genshin and you're politely guiding them but literally insulting them is not the way to go.

The co-op experience as well is a shit show. See point above. Its the people that literally are assholes in co-op telling people who they can or can't use. Like I get you're trying to clear the domain hence why you co-oped to get help but you could be nicer about it.

I literally don't let anyone into my world now because I've had terrible experiences in co-op being judged as a Beidou main on several occasions or having Beidou be dubbed as shit when she's perfectly fine in a domain like the one in dragonspine. I've only let in a total of like 15-20 people. Most coming from my early days. Now, I let only like 1 person in because I know them irl, I trust them, they're pleasant to co-op with and I always have fun with them. I don't let strangers into my world anymore because of bad co-op experiences.

And I can go off on several hundred other things but I've already addressed them on my blog so I won't get into those.

It's just so fucking upsetting when people have no basic human decency. Like some of ya'll are so entitled and it S H O W S. I'm legitimately ashamed to see the fandom tune like this in less than a ye a r and by GOD makes me very happy I am bilingual so I can choose to not have to deal with the toxic shit.

Part of me knew that the Genshin fandom would unfortunately turn out to be like this when it was still less than 6 months old but my god the fandom turned toxic real fast with the 1 year anni coming up.

It's really unfortunate and I know Tumblr is not as bad. Thank you. Makes it much much better. I'm just tired of seeing people get hurt over a game because someone decided to be a fucking bitch.